Favorite moments in... Team America: World Police (2004)

**Post contains spoilers**

I remember seeing this at the cinema in 2004 and at first i wasn't impressed at all.  I was a south park fan and i loved BASEketball (1998) but on initial viewing Team America didn't do nothing for me.

However... forward a few years, I own the DVD and it's now one of the regular comedy's I'll always come back to watch. 

So this is a list of some of my favorite moments in the movie. Some moments to me are just genius, small minor parts i know, but they all play a part in how brilliant Matt Parker & Trey Stone are at comedy timing, it's the little things that make it what it is.

I'll try and keep the list to a minimum of ten otherwise it could get out of hand.

1. The musical ‘Lease’ “Everyone has aids”. the final bit of the song there's a half a second where there's a silence and Gary fits on another ‘aids’ in. But the lyrics and audience reaction also make it brilliant.

   2. Garry meets Spottswoode

Gary: Jesus, this is a nice limo.
                    Spottswoode: Yes, it is. Now suck my cock.

3. "There's the door"

    

After bringing Gary to the base, Spottswoode give a speech about saving the planet from terrorists then offers Gary a chance to leave, to which Gary just simply replies "Thanks"

4. "I promise, i will never die"

Not so much the puppet sex scene, but his change in attitude when she's willing to sleep with him if he promises not to die is so funny.


5. Gary transforms into a terrorist

 After extensive operations to turn Gary into a terrorist.


This....

6. Man in bar with gas mask.

O.k this is so minor not many people notice it at all but when Gary goes to meet terrorists in the bar there's a shot of two men talking at a table. There just having a casual chat but one is wearing a gas mask, and in a camp voice you hear him say "Yeah i know it's terrible"

 

7. Micheal Moore dance.

8. Freedom isn't free.

9. Surprise, cock fags!

Chris, another member of Team America is a pure badass, he's the martial arts expert and his attitude towards Gary when they first meet is hilarious, but i just had to add this moment later in the movie.

10) Matt Damon! Well C'mon... i had to put this in here

 

The Fog (1980)

I'll start this post by saying "I'm ashamed! yes, I'm ashamed" I've never seen The Fog  before. Well I've seen fog but never seen The Fog. You know what i mean, let's carry on.

Considering it's director, for some unknown reason I've always put off watching it.  I love all of John Carpenter's movies The Thing, Christine, Escape from New York and Halloween of course, but always avoided The Fog.

Set in a small seaside town of Antonio Bay it opens with a group of children listening in anticipation of the ramblings of an old man, John Houseman. He begins to tell the tale of a group of sailors that were shipwrecked and killed 100 years ago that very night.

 

   

 "At the bottom of the sea lay the Elizabeth Dane with her crew, their lungs filled with saltwater, their eyes open and staring into the darkness."

As the clock reaches midnight and begins the 100 year anniversary of the shipwreck, strange goings on start happening in the small town.  A store clerk stands in amazement as the grocery store begins to shake at the foundations, car alarms go off, lights flicker on illuminating an isolated gas station and a women's jaw drops as she witnesses moving furniture. Just a coincidence? or is it just a normal Friday night? 

The Fog approaches the island with a haunting glow, and group of drunken fisherman become the victims of a attack from dark figures laced with hooks and swords. As the story unfolds we learn that the islands founders killed a group of sailors 100 years ago and now they’re seeking revenge. 

It's nothing more than a very well put together ghost story, it shy's away from blood and gore but it doesn't need it. Carpenter creates a brilliant suspenseful backdrop with it's small fishing town, and builds slow burning tension with it’s ghost story plot line.

Just one last thing, I'm still very confused about one thing that happens early on in the movie, Elizabeth Solley Jamie lee Curtis' character is hitch hiking, yeah? She's picked up by Nick Castle played by Tom Atkins, pretty normal so far yeah? Then she begins to explain that he's the 13th person to pick her up.  So I'm thinking, hang on a second! 13th? she's either traveled hundreds of miles across the country or folks keep kicking out the car because of that ridiculous 80's fro. Next thing you know with no explanation, there in bed together! Amazing!

I'm giving this movie 3 out of 5 slutty hitchhikers

Prince of darkness (1987)

Who is the Prince of darkness?

Is it this guy?

To obvious

Or this guy?

Could be, sitting in a fancy chair looking like he's had a tough day

Or maybe this guy

The prince can take many forms

 None of the above, it's this err.. green stuff in a glass tube

A secret kept for many years is finally uncovered when a priest involved dies. Another priest, priest Loomis (Donald Pleasence) (mentioning priest to many times already) unlocks a secret chamber hidden beneath a Los Angeles church containing a large vat filled with green liquid.

Gather round, Satan is coming

The priest contacts physics prof. Howard Birack (Victor Wong) who leads a group of students to investigate.  As the green liquid contains some kind of link to satan himself, any contact with the it turns the students into well... possessed type, zombie type things, who for lengths of the movie just stand still. One by one it takes over them and begin to pick each other off. 

In true Carpenter style the movie doesn't really pick up momentum until the last 30 mins or so, like many of his other films he tends to not reveal anything until he really has to.  He also takes charge of his own soundtrack which after about 15 mins begins to drive me insane, it just becomes too repetitive with different variations on the same hook.

But overall it's a nice little movie that does work well, and i think it's one of his more underrated  movies. 

I'm giving Prince of Darkness 3 out of 5 Alice Cooper's

Dracula (1931)

Tod Browning's Dracula (1931) is by no means a masterpiece but in it's own way was quite groundbreaking. As if being the first 'talkie' movie wasn't enough if you were to think of the most iconic movie characters through cinema history Bela Lugosi's portal of the count would immediately spring to mind.

His long flowing black cape, white poo-fey shirt and eastern European accent all contribute to the way we see Dracula in popular culture today. The film itself has a greater reputation than the actual content, it's stage like dialogue and long silences all play part in a disappointing effort by Browning. 

"I am Dracula, I bid you welcome"

The movie starts out with an English estate agent Renfield (Dwight Frye) traveling to castle dracula to complete the sale of a property in London. The locals in Transylvania immediately give us the impression that the counts not to be messed with.  One of my favorite moments early on in the movie is first exchange between Dracula and Redfield and the creepy atmosphere the Gothic castle gives with it's eerie mist and shadows.

 

 

 

"I never drink wine"

The boat Journey back to London See's a ghost ship return to the port with everyone on board dead, everyone except Renfield who's turned into a stark raving lunatic who feeds of spiders and flies, (yes spiders and flies) his laugh when the boats finally uncovered is haunting still to this day. From then on Dwight Frye's role of Renfield is the stand out performance for the rest of the movie, It's both funny and sympathetic. 

In London now for the duration of the movie, Dracula begins a number of murders and quickly turns his attention to a friend of one of his victims, Mina (Helen Chandler).  After a encounter in her bedroom where he bites her, her condition begins to deteriorate and her partner John Harker (David Manners) and Van Helsing (Edward Van Sloan) become suspicious of there new neighbor.  

Gimme those spider's

Overall the more i sit and watch this movie i do enjoy it a little more, (Renfield is brilliant everytime) but you only have to look at James Whale's Frankenstein which was released later that same year to see the difference in direction, which is far more superior.

I'm giving this 3 out of 5 bats on strings

Postie brings Centipede...

So this morning a was woken up by the postie knocking at the door, he's got a package for me! I think i know what it is, but then again i only ordered it the day before so it's been sent out super quick.

May i present to you...

A limited edition blu-ray steel book, limited to 4,000 copies! And you get a free t-shirt! How fuckin sweet does that look?

Might get a few weird looks from folks wearing the t-shirt in public tho

I brought it here from humancentipede.co.uk